Marriages don’t just collapse without first giving clear warning signs. There have to be day-to-day telltales that progressively build up to separation or divorce. Now, we will discuss eight signs that can show you that your marriage may collapse. The keyword is “may,” not “collapse,” meaning there are steps you can take to avert the situation.
Yes, even a marriage on the verge of collapse could be steered back on track. After learning of these signs, you may still need help. You can benefit immensely from marriage therapy in Rye, NY, should you need more support to save your marriage.
Anyway, here are eight signs your marriage may not stand:
1. Little or No Intimacy
Are you no longer intimate with your spouse? If yes, it means there is already an emotional distance between you. If either or both of you are no longer interested in intimate acts, it’s a wake-up call that you’re headed for the rocks.
By the way, intimacy is not synonymous with regular sex. Many couples don’t have sex regularly, but their marriages still thrive. This is because the reasons they don’t engage in regular sex could have to do with busy schedules, health issues, or life changes.
Intimacy is about cooking together, picnicking, enjoying breakfast together, an occasional night out, hugs, writing love messages, encouraging each other, holding hands, etc. It is about being there for each other to do seemingly small things or spending quality time together.
When there’s no intimacy anymore, there can only be feelings of being rejected or unwanted. Nobody would want to live in an environment where they are not appreciated.
2. No Meaningful Conversations
Communication is a two-way street — a give-and-take. There’s a difference between talking to and talking at each other. When you were dating, you both had lots to tell each other. Both of you were ready to listen patiently to each other. It was not boring listening or talking to each other.
Do you still have something you enjoy telling your spouse about, and do they listen with genuine interest? Do they still share with you their workplace stories or something exciting they plan to do?
Communication lets couples express their appreciation for each other and address any arising matter that may evolve into a problem. Lack of communication means things are swept under the carpet, slowly developing into landmines that will wreck the marriage. That’s why you should enroll in marriage therapy Rye, NY, to help you and your partner improve your communication.
3. Constant Arguments
It’s normal to argue. That’s how some problems are solved in or out of marriage. But when you two have to argue on every new issue or the same old ones, that’s a sign of serious disconnect. Some couples argue over a matter at night, then have a rerun of the same in the morning. When they meet again in the evening, they pick up from where they left off.
Constant argument leads to a couple soon starting to avoid each other or avoiding situations that may result in emotionally draining arguments. When you start avoiding each other to prevent arguments, it means the marriage is collapsing.
4. Having an Extra-Marital Affair
It’s one thing to find someone out there attractive, but a totally different thing to get into an extra-marital affair with the person. It can only mean you have issues with their marriage. What’s it you miss from your spouse that you hope to get elsewhere?
Most extra-marital affairs are about sex. Others have to do with receiving emotional intimacy from outside when your spouse is not giving that. But engaging in an extra-marital affair is not going to solve the real problems in your marriage. If anything, it’s a sign the marriage is collapsing.
5. Spending More Time with Friends than With Your Spouse
You don’t need to spend all your time with your spouse to prove you are committed to the marriage. Each person needs space to be alone or with other friends occasionally.
But when you seem to spend more time away from your partner just to avoid being with them, it’s a sign that the marriage is heading South. When you start valuing moments with friends more than being at home with your spouse, something nasty is cooking.
6. Not Confiding In Your Spouse Anymore
Whether it’s because there’s no more respect or trust between you or that you just don’t care, it’s a bad sign when you don’t confide in your spouse. When you have to learn from other people what your spouse is up to, it means your spouse no longer confides in you.
To whom do you first reveal your big announcements, bad news or future plans? Do you first share with friends, workmates, parents, or siblings? If so, you no longer see your spouse as a vital pillar of your life.
7. Talking Negatively About Your Partner with Other People
When you constantly vent about your spouse to your friends, workmates or family instead of addressing the issues with the spouse, the marriage is falling apart. While it’s healthy for your marriage to consult outsiders over some marriage issues you need outside opinions on, it’s not the same as gossiping or constantly complaining about your partner.
You are simply dumping your negative marriage issues onto someone else in the hope this will solve the problem.
8. Domestic Violence
Do you and your partner fight when arguments don’t seem to solve the issues? Do you find it easier to fight than have a meaningful conversation? That’s a bad sign.
It can also be that only one partner is violent. Whichever the case, domestic violence is a clear sign the marriage is on its way to rock bottom unless drastic measures are taken to avert the situation. Remember that fights can end up causing more serious problems for both or either of you. We are talking about severe injury or death. Marriage should not be the reason you end up spending the rest of your life behind bars, in a wheelchair, or losing your life prematurely.
Conclusion
When you face these signs, don’t attempt to run from them in the hope they’ll soon vanish on their own. It’s the time to face them head-on. Have a sit-down with your partner and admit some problems need to be solved.
Maybe it’s time to engage a marriage counselor to help solve these problems before things take an ugly turn. Seek marriage therapy in Rye, NY. This can go along way in restoring your marriage.